I want to talk about rejection right now because I just experienced it.

Let’s do a recap…

Tonight I was invited out to dinner by one of my close friends. I was excited to see her and get out of the house and connect with someone I really care about. We went to this popular restaurant/bar in Hoboken and we were seated at a quaint 2 person table next to a busy street…perfection!…We caught up with each other on all sorts of subjects. We always make such good conversation.

I noticed that our server was a kind of cute. I’ve made the decision to really operate outside of my comfort zone so I lightly flirted whenever he came up to the table. Tried to say witty little things, really turn on the bright lights, ya know?

Anyways, over the course of the dinner, I made the resolve to ask him out.  I thought, “It’s something I would NEVER do normally.   It’s not like I’m going to see this person ever again and if he says yes there might be a payoff.”  I felt like being daring because I’m never daring.  In the last year I’ve been called a Wet Blanket by two separate people.  I got a rush of excitement at the thought of doing something that is so not me.

After dinner, I confirmed from my friend’s boyfriend that the server was single and got a lot of added moral support to go for it. This is the time that you have to make the decision….do you talk about all the changes you need to make in your life?…or do you shut up and start implementing some changes.

So I went back inside the restaurant and I walked up to the server and I said, “Do you want to go out sometime?”  and he turned to me and said, “No…I don’t want to…I mean I’m flattered…but no.”

I was rejected.

Not just like rejected but REJECTED…blunt in the face N-O…fullstop period case closed shut it down.

To be completely honest…I wasn’t expecting it.  I thought he was going to say yes so when he said NO it was kind of a shocking. This rejection was like a slap in the face.  My face went flush and the rest of me went completly numb.  I wanted to become invisible.  Dart out of the place quickly (but gracefully) and just disappear. I walked with my friend back to her apartment and what an amazing friend she was.  I tried to play it down like I wasn’t hurt.  That I was totally fine with it.  She’s savvier than I am and in response to my sensitive moment she proved to be totally supportive, gently applying the soothing balm of her words to my embarrassment.  I really do love her for the tenderness she showed me tonight.

Once we parted ways, the bullshit  over analytical evil inner monologue starts…”What’s wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Maybe it’s because I wasn’t wearing make-up or high heels.  Maybe If I wore ruffles or my teeth were whiter.  Does he not like black girls? Would he have said yes if I was 20 pounds ligher and/or my boobs were out more?  Maybe if I had long hair? Maybe he’s gay?”   All these terrible thoughts that are not good for your soul.

Fear of rejection eats this shit for dinner…

I walked around the city for a bit.  Down by the water…feeling the cool wind coming in off the Hudson…Listening to some music, I finally pushed away the negative thoughts and this is what I came up with…

Tonight I went out on a limb and the thing I feared the most totally happened and I’m still alive.  After the immediate incident, I’m feeling pretty good.  I wasn’t injured. I don’t even remember his face.  I stared rejection in the face and I came out the other end relatively unmarked and I’m finally proud of myself for going out there and doing what I did.

That’s all I have to say about rejection…

-Charley